Surely, the dating-app bio is the literary art form of our time. A whole personality squeezed into a few upbeat lines. Hobbies are played up (I travel! I eat! I spend Sunday recovering from Saturday night!). Anxieties are played down (I’m tall... enough! I’m not too needy! I can take a joke!). Some throw in a bonus: A pop-culture reference, a pun, a possibly stolen playlist. Some, seal their own fates, opening with a joke that’s so off-colour, there’s no need to read on.

Actor Alaya F, 26 and single, has seen them all. So, what does make someone dateable in 2024? Fresh off her summer release Bade Miyan Chote Miyan, and as she waits for her next, Srikanth, she looks through 15 dating bio prompts and picks what she’d swipe right on.

Mr Has-too-many-gym-pictures.

They’re all shirtless (hello nipples!). He never skips leg day. His sweaty face is not bad-looking.

I know the best place in town for: Gymming.

My typical Sunday: Workout, followed by a healthy breakfast.

Alaya says: I’d swipe left. It’s important to take care of your body. But it can’t be your whole identity. If he had balanced all the gym stuff with other things he does, or pictures with other people, it might give the idea of a more rounded life. As an actor, I’m used to meeting people who are self-involved and into their looks. It makes me wonder about their personality.

Mr Who-cares-about-grammar?

He’s wearing sunglasses in every picture. He types lyk dis.

My pet-peeve: Mah lyf mah rulz.

My biggest fear is: Yes.

Alaya says: Bad grammar and texting hygiene is a turnoff. But it’s not a character flaw. It’s an easy fix. If there’s more to the person, swipe right. There are worse things out there.

Dude with dogs.

Every picture with a different dog.

Dating Me Is Like: Living on a dog farm.

The first line of his DM: “Hi, I’m new to this. I think you’re very attractive and I’d love to take you out and see if we gel”.

Alaya says: I’d swipe right. I love dogs. Though two pictures suffice to deliver the message. Either this person really likes dogs or is trying to hide something. You only understand so much about a person through a dating bio. If the animal pictures are date-bait, you won’t be able to fake it past a couple of meetings. And also, shame on you!

The smooth talker.

A good mix of pictures. Says he’s a foodie. Manages to reference Rumi, Dumbledore, and Taylor Swift.

My love language is: Annoying you.

A random fact I love is: We are all gonna die.

Alaya says: On the surface, he seems sweet. There’s nothing upsetting. But he does seem to be someone who’s a simp but is also pretentious. Sometimes, smooth can come across as cheesy or creepy. I’m up for being honest on dating apps. But if you’re smooth all the time, then it’s a crutch. I wouldn’t swipe immediately, but take my time.

Mr traveller.

Selfie on mountain. Shots of sand-covered toes. Airport shots tagged “Guess where?”.

My typical Sunday: Taking off to somewhere new.

This year I really want to: Work on my temper.

Alaya says: Swipe right, give him a chance. The admission that he’s working on his temper is a little too forward for a dating profile. It’s not the first thing someone should know about you. But it shows that he is self-aware and wants to work on it. And it’s good that he travels. Be open while swiping but do evaluate after.

Captain Punchline.

Pictures of him dancing at parties. And one posing with a poster of SRK.

Dating me is like: Dating ubbley chawal. With the right company, I can be biryani.

I’m weirdly attracted to: GIFs.

Alaya says: He seems like a nice, sweet and fun guy. I like the quieter type because I am extroverted. That poster of SRK and being the life of party shows that he’s loud and funny. A lot of girls love that.

The Bollywood diehard

Sunset photo. Decked out in Maanyavar photo. Looks like he might be shorter than you.

Together we could: Do dhamaal!

First round is on me if: You dance to ’90s and ’00s Hindi gaane.

Alaya says: If he’s shorter than me, it’s a no because I am already 5’3”. He seems fun and very filmi. But, I’d swipe left, because I can learn choreography and dance one time. I won’t remember it for the rest of my life. We won’t match well.

The Musician.

Pics at a gig. Pics performing. Clips of him learning the guitar. Links to his Spotify.

Together we could: Harmonise.

My typical Sunday: Wake up with music and practise in the evening.

Alaya says: Musicians have an ulta-seedha sleep schedule, which can get frustrating in a relationship.

Mr Footsie.

He’s a cat dad. He’s shared pics of his favourite perfumes. He says he’s attracted to good footwear.

My most irrational fear: A break-up.

Together we could: Delete this dating app.

Alaya says: The footwear comment seems odd. If it’s a foot fetish, then it honestly depends on the severity of the fetish. Hopefully, he means that he’s a sneakerhead. So, I’d swipe right. The fact that he’s saying that he’s scared of breaking up makes it seem like he’s someone who wants a relationship, which is sweet.

The Poly guy.

There are only group pictures, so you aren’t sure which one he is.

I’m all about: Dating without getting married to each other.

I’m looking for: A rebound relationship. But, you won’t hear about my ex from me, #guaranteed.

Alaya says: Swipe left. It’s definitely not cool to advertise that you are looking for a rebound. If you aren’t looking for something serious, use the term “something casual” instead. This is just disrespectful.

The Daddy

He’s at least twice your age in his pictures, though his profile claims he’s in your age group.

I’d fall for you if: You’re slim, pretty and innocent looking.

This year I really want to: Travel.

Alaya says: Swipe left. I hate these people who say they are looking for someone who’s essentially manipulable. It’s so off putting. I also hate it when people are hyper specific about what they want, but don’t offer the same thing.

Would you date a guy who dated your friend?

Alaya says: I’d call my friend and get a low-down on the guy. There are so many reasons a date doesn’t work out. Maybe they’re both chill people who just didn’t vibe.

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